I read the script for 3:10 to Yuma the other day. The September 15, 2004 draft titled Contention.
Written by Michael Brandt and Derek Haas, it is one of a collection of four drafts of the script. My intention is to read through them all, to see how the story developed over the course of the drafts.
One of the things that caught my eye in reading the first draft is Brandt and Haas’s use of simile.
They chose powerful similes that evoked an emotive quality.
On page one, they describe one of their characters scanning the street
“sharp but calm, like a redtail waiting for a mouse to show itself.”
A clear picture of a predator on the hunt. It informs us of who this character is in only a few words.
There’s another predator simile on page 33.
Wu looks at Crenshaw like a shark who’s just seen dinner.
Another great simile is on page 41.
McElroy looks at the kid like he’s a dog he’d like to beat.
I’ve tended to avoid simile in my own scripts for some reason. But they’re a great shorthand for expressing the tone and emotional quality of an action or character moment.
So, think about using similes– similes that evoke a powerful visual image with a clear emotional quality.